Knots
by JLo10131121
Summary: Everyone has a soul mate. But what happens when yours is married?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Knots

Author: Jlo10131121

Rating: PG-13?

Summary: Everyone has a soul mate. But what happens when yours is married?

Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I sure as hell wish I did. I'd let Liv and Elliot come out and play a hell of a lot more.

_Elliot_

Elliot barely noticed. He was so busy with his life – his wife, his kids, now mostly grown, one still in diapers, fixing the house – that he barely noticed when his partner started dating again. It started out small – little things: not staying out late with the guys for drinks, forgetting to make him coffee when she got up to get a cup, and then slowly progressed to more obvious things that Elliot, in all his busyness, failed to notice. The way she rushed through the paperwork at night – he barely noticed because he was trying to do the same, get home in time for dinner, play with Eli, help Liz or Dickie with their homework, assuming they needed help still at the tender age of sixteen. The slightly distracted look on her face, a half-smile perpetually curving her lips, the faint lightening of her eyes, the lifting of the dark shadows. Like a weight was slowly being lifted. All this he hardly noticed. Until God knocked him on his ass.

At forty-two Olivia started dating this _guy; _his name was Robert Andersen, or as Olivia called him, Rob. And at first, Elliot was okay with it. Nothing would change. It never had before when Liv dated men, why should _now _be any different? But it did. She did. Olivia didn't even tell him that she was going out on a date with him for the first time. Elliot's only inkling that anything was different than every other night was the following morning when Olivia came in with a small smile on her face and a bounce in her step. In anyone else, it wouldn't have meant a thing, but in Olivia-World, it was tantamount to a promotion. So rarely did she have great first dates that would lead to second dates and so forth, that Elliot was surprised and almost didn't recognize the signs when she came in that morning. But he did, when she did. "What's with the good mood? Had a hot date last night?" he joked.

Olivia gave him a mock glare as she sat down but said nothing. That, more than a response, told him volumes.

Elliot got a funny feeling in his stomach and with a half smile on his face, asked his partner, "so, are you going to see him again?" half anticipating, half dreading her answer. It was quite perplexing as to why the outcome of his partner's romantic engagements mattered to him and since Elliot was a man who did not entertain the _why _of much of anything outside of the job, he didn't dwell on the reasoning behind his emotional rollercoaster ride.

A soft look came into her eyes that had his stomach in a ball of knots and his throat tight with something he didn't care to examine, her lips softening in a sweet, almost smile. "Yeah, I think I will."

The _I think I will _turned into a _definitely _the very next week, after a harrowing case involving a pedophilic serial killer derailed Olivia's plans four nights in a row. Elliot overheard her tell _Rob _that she would call him when the case was over so they wouldn't have to keep making plans and canceling them. He shamelessly eavesdropped, pretending to be paying attention to his paperwork, listening to the deep voice on the other end of the line. He was unable to make out words, but he got the gist of it from her _friend_. Apologetic, but understanding. Finally, someone who can sympathize and employs patience. She deserves that, he thought, but that ball of knots in his stomach tightened, ever so slightly.

_Olivia _

The second and third dates were just as wonderful as the first. Robert was everything she wanted in a man: handsome, sweet, understanding, patient, funny and strong. Strong in all the ways that mattered, be it physically (God! He was a beautiful man!), mentally, or emotionally. Robert handled the cancellations and rescheduling with grace. A few times rueful frustration tinged his tone, but never did she gain the sense of anger motivating his words or selfishness in his voice. As an EMT, he understood work, more often than not, came before pleasure. Olivia met him through Dr. Warner at a lunch with some of her friends from St. Vincent's Hospital. They had hit it off almost immediately, each surreptitiously glancing at each other's hands for obvious signs of marriage or other commitment. Melinda had whispered on their way for a bathroom run that he was unattached, completely not involved with anyone.

At forty-three, Robert had never been married, which made Olivia question first his orientation, and then his mental stability. Pot, meet kettle. It may have been hypocritical to think that way, but more often than not, when a person, especially a man, had never been married and was still single, either they were homosexual or had psychological issues. But, Olivia thought wryly, she couldn't talk. Her psychological issues could fill a volume of Encyclopedia Britannica and still have room, starting with her mommy and daddy issues and ending with the fact she was in love with a married man.

Even so, Olivia had made a decision after Elliot went back to Kathy, to _try _to find happiness, in some shape or form. She deserved it, for all that she had gone through, for all that she _would _go through in the future, she deserved happiness. Loving an unattainable man had just brought her a world of hurt, which she did not need or deserve.

Their third date, Robert took her to Coney Island after finding out this New Yorker had never been. "Seriously? You've never been to Coney Island?" he'd asked incredulously during the tail end of their second date. She'd lightly shaken her head 'no' and he gave her a look before stating, "well, we're going to have to rectify that."

And so now, here they were, up in the Wonder Wheel, eating quickly melting ice cream and going up and around, gaining perspective from their lofty height. Olivia gazed down at the lights and the moving cars, people going about their business, the cars looking like a child's Matchbox toys. From their height, they looked like puppets, pulled on strings invisible to the naked eye, pulled from some pinnacle high above their heads. You couldn't see the strings, but sometimes, if you paid enough attention, you could almost feel them. And if that was the case, and God was up there, pulling strings, what did it matter? What did any of it matter?

"Do you ever wonder," she said softly, "what the world would be like without you in it?" Usually she saved the morose talk for a time later in a relationship – actually, she'd rarely gotten to that point – but something about the moment brought the question to light.

Robert glanced at her in consideration, "what brought that on?" he asked, not yet answering the question.

Olivia shook her head. "Forget it, never mind my dark thoughts. I don't know where it's coming from. Forget it."

Robert was quiet for a long moment, just looking at her in contemplation. Olivia's face was turned away, toward the side open to the air, basking in the gentle breeze coming off the ocean. "Yeah, I have. And I think the people I've helped, the people _you've _helped, wouldn't be around, or be the same, without us in it. We're all here for a reason, Olivia."

At that, Olivia turned her head back to her date, and the lights reflected in her eyes, bouncing and reflecting the images across the canvas of her eyes. The quiet moment grew too pregnant with _something _and so Olivia went to raise her ice-cream cup to eat a spoonful. But Robert intercepted the move, and cupped her cheek instead, his work-roughened thumb smoothing back and forth across her cheek, palm cupping the soft curve of her jaw and chin, fingertips poised on sensitive points at the curve of her neck. He leaned in, a smooth, but slow motion, giving her every opportunity to stop him, but she didn't. She didn't want to. For once, she wanted to do something independent of work, of _him, _of everything not of this moment.

Olivia almost couldn't catch her breath, she was so intent on the moment, anticipating the touch of his lips, the mingling of their breaths, the taste of his mouth. Finally, _finally, _his lips touched hers and their lips did everything she was thinking about.

And in that moment, on their third date, on the Cooney Island Wonder Wheel, Robert and Olivia had their first kiss.

Chapter Note: Chapter 1 was edited to remove part of Chapter 2 that somehow was included. Now to your regularly scheduled programming...


	2. Chapter 2

_Elliot_

Elliot glanced up as his partner came into the squad room fifteen minutes late, a sparkle in her eyes, and a slight bounce to her steps. Anyone else would not have noticed, but since he was her partner, and he'd made a concerted effort to notice any minute changes in his partner, he did. "Had a good night?" he asked, trying for nonchalance, but horribly failing if the smirk on her face was any indication.

"Yep, a good night." Short, tight sentence. She wasn't angry with him. It was more about her trying to perk his interest more, or at least, that's what Elliot thought. He was silent a moment, trying to resist.

Trying and failing.

"Care to elaborate?" he prodded.

Her small smile widened and the corners of her eyes crinkled up in merriment, seemingly enjoying his torture. Why men were considered the more vicious of the species he'd never know. Women, and in particular, _this _woman, could run circles around his poor gender.

Finally, after what seemed like forever of just looking at him over their desks, paperwork untouched, computer not turned on, she said, "I had a good time. For the first time in a while. Robert took me to Coney Island. I've never been. Don't give me that look! I'm just not one for lights and screaming. I get that enough on the job, Elliot."

She got up and turned to get a cup of coffee. She detoured by his desk and lightly slapped his shoulder. The pot he'd started ten minutes before had finally finished percolating. He watched her pour a cup, add her two sugars, and one half-and-half and come back to her desk. His heart did a little flip when he saw she did not come back with a second cup. He wanted to ask, "forget something?" but that would be construed as sexist, and the last thing he needed was to get on Olivia's bad side at seven thirty in the morning.

He passed her desk without a word and made himself a cup of coffee. Childishly, he thought, taking a sip as he sat down, it didn't taste as good as when she made it. His eyes lit on her face for a moment unobserved as she turned on her department-issued laptop. His gaze traveled across her face, from the light brush of her hair tickling her forehead and caressing the curve of her cheek, down and around to the dusting of a light blush applied to the apple of her cheek and nose, to the shiny gloss settled on the soft lines of her lips, and, unbidden, something tightened low in his belly, a sensation he'd not had since a darkened front porch intimate conversation four years ago. Because he hadn't let it.

Because to have gone there—then—would have changed everything. And at that time, he'd had so much rapidly changing he had needed stability the way a thirsty man needed water. Stability in the form of the comfort and easiness of his oldest and most treasured friendship. And then things had changed, again, in the form of his return back to his wife after getting her pregnant, _again. _He loved his wife, he really did, but if he were honest with himself, Elliot didn't think he'd have gone back if she hadn't gotten pregnant. But she had and he was now ensconced in the life that had always been his for as long as he could remember, more than half his life.

"What? Do I have lipstick on my teeth or something?" Olivia joked, looking at him, and with a start, Elliot realized he'd been caught. Staring.

Shit.

"No, just thinking about something. And you're in my line of sight." That seemed to satisfy her because she went back to typing some report or something. At least, that's what he thought she was doing until he heard an aborted snort from her across their desks, and a small smile appeared on her face. "Care to share with the class?"

Olivia glanced up quickly before resuming her typing. "Mind your own business, Stabler," she said playfully and then promptly laughed out loud at whatever she was reading on the screen.

"What is so funny?" Curiosity peaked, Elliot got up and moved to her side, behind her chair. He leaned in to read her screen. If she hadn't wanted him to, he would have gotten a swift elbow to the gut, so obviously it was fine with his partner. He grasped the back of her chair for stability and leaned in, his face next to hers as he tried to read the screen. Unfortunately, the print was too small and he remembered belatedly, that Olivia's eyesight had improved slightly with age, while his had not.

And he refused to go to the optometrist to get a prescription for glasses.

He moved back slightly, but not before their lips almost touched. Once again, his heart climbed into his throat and tried to jump out of his mouth, but he forced it back. Olivia, on the other hand, pushed her seat back slightly, just enough to give them both some breathing room and so that when she looked into his eyes, it wasn't completely uncomfortable.

"Robert was telling me about something that happened to the night-shift. One of his buddies, Adams, got called to the scene of a robbery/home invasion where the criminal drove into the house, after mistaking gas for brakes and got stuck in the window. He tried to get out, but the Lexus was a newer model, with that new automatic shutoff when someone gets into a front-end collision. Rob loves cars, and he said the damnedest thing is, that if the guy had just stolen a piece of crap, he would have been able to back out, but because he stole a newer Lexus, the car stopped on impact and the reset button was in the trunk." Olivia chuckled.

Elliot moved back, but still close enough to see her eyes and watched as a bit of heat entered her gaze and her cheeks flushed slightly. He glanced at her screen as he moved behind her to go back to his desk. Stupid, childish, invasive, he knew, but he did it anyway. He caught one or two words and that was enough. _Kisses. Hard. _He got the gist and now he was wishing he hadn't glanced at the chat window opened on the screen. Why the thought of Olivia and kisses and Robert bothered him, Elliot didn't know. Or rather, he didn't want to explore.

_Olivia_

Still high on the incredible evening she'd had, Olivia sauntered into the squad room, barely stilling the excessive energy coursing through her body. Third date with Rob. A _third _date. Olivia couldn't remember the last time she had a third date with anyone. At least two years ago. Between work and scheduling, making plans and having to cancel them over and over and over, either the guy became antagonistic and left, or she just didn't want to put in the effort into a task that she knew would lead to nowhere.

Olivia moved past her partner, sat down in her office chair and pulled in close to her desk. Not turning on her laptop, not turning on her lamp, not fishing out a pencil or pen—all things normal in her everyday routine. No, instead Olivia sat contemplating the wonderful night she'd had.

The night before was one of her best third dates ever. Simple, fun, uncomplicated. No awkward pauses, no scrambling to find something to say to fill a silence. No looking anywhere but your date, praying for the evening to end quickly. Many a time in the past, Olivia had wished Elliot would call and have a body somewhere, _anywhere, _because that's how bad it was.

At one point in her life, early on in this hellacious dating game, Olivia had been a romantic, pragmatic, but still, she believed in finding the one person you were meant to be with. Until SVU. Until meeting Elliot. Well, that wasn't true. Early on in their relationship, they were just friends, partners. But when he separated from his wife, and Olivia realized the line between _partner _and _friend _could get blurred, and she realized the reason for the tension between them was feelings for him, all that went down the drain.

"Had a good night?" Elliot asked. Olivia didn't answer right away, wanting to draw out the suspense. And hey, after all, since it was _her _date, she really didn't have to tell him anything, now did she? But she'd never been much for games, so she'd only let him sweat it out for a few more minutes.

"Care to elaborate?" he prodded. Olivia got the sense they were back in high school, with a mental voice translating his words to "_Care to share with the class?"_ She smirked at him and at her internal monologue.

Elliot's eyebrows rose in prodding and she replied shortly, "Yep, a good night." She hummed a tinny bit under her breath, excited energy fighting to get out any way it could. It seemed like an interminable amount of time before she responded with more than a four-word answer.

Finally, after what seemed like forever of just looking at him over their desks, paperwork untouched, computer still not turned on, she said, "I had a good time. For the first time in a while. Robert took me to Coney Island. I've never been." Olivia booted up her laptop.

Elliot shot her an incredulous look, as if it were inconceivable that a forty-something New Yorker could have _possibly _missed seeing the lights and high volume of people, mostly out-of-staters. "Don't give me that look! I'm just not one for lights and screaming. I get that enough on the job, Elliot," she scolded lightly, getting up to get herself a cup of coffee when she heard the percolator finish its job. She batted him on the shoulder with her hand as she detoured near him before moving on to the coffee station.

As she poured herself a cup, added her two sugars and a half-and-half, instinctive and automatic, Olivia lost herself for a few minutes again in last night's fairy-tale evening. It had been perfect. Easy. Magical. Fun. She could swear she could still feel Robert's lips on hers…

She returned back to her desk on autopilot, a small smile still playing unknowingly over her face. Elliot gave her a weird look and there was something in his eyes, just a split second of _something_, and then it was gone. Olivia gave a mental shrug. If El wanted to talk, he'd talk. She wasn't going to push him. She wasn't ready to deal with any of it, not that she knew what _it _was.

He passed by her to get his own cup of coffee and after a few minutes, sat back down and just…stared. As she booted up her laptop. Turned on her lap. Searched a pen out of her desk drawer. Olivia glanced up at him in askance, and caught something in his eyes, again, but this time different. She licked her lips, feeling the gloss on them slick across her tongue. The look in his eyes deepened, darkened, and her stomach flipped.

"What? Do I have lipstick on my teeth or something?" she joked, trying to lighten the moment. The expression cleared and she didn't think he'd even realized he'd looked at her, _that way. _

It was replaced by an _oh shit_ panicky expression, before it cleared in a second later. She watched him straighten up in the chair. "No, just thinking about something. And you're in my line of sight."

Uh, huh, she thought. She wasn't going to interpret his first look as she'd caught him staring. She couldn't afford it. Olivia's computer finally finished booting up (damn security) and she logged on and began working, responding to emails, when instant messenger popped up on her screen. It was from Robert.

RMAnders: _I am so tired this morning. Last night's late activities had me sleepless. And when I did finally get to bed, all I dreamed about was you. _

OABenson: _Hope it was a good dream._

RMAnders: _Oh, all good, baby. All good… You up tomorrow for a repeat of last night, dinner and a walk through Central Park? 24-hour shift will give me plenty to think about where to take you next. What else haven't you been to in our fair city? One sec, my buddy Ralphie's here. BRB._

Olivia waited patiently, switching screens back to her email account and continuing to reply to requests. Robert's IM screen popped back up. She read silently and she almost snorted before tampering it down.

"Care to share with the class?" Elliot asked.

Olivia glanced up at him. "Mind your own business, Stabler," she said playfully. A laugh bubbled out of her at his description of an incident his friend Ralphie responded to. He didn't know it, but she already knew Ralphie Adams. He was a paramedic with a wicked sense of humor, deadpan and dry. Funny as hell.

"What is so funny?" Elliot inquired, his curiosity prodded. He moved to around her desk, behind her and leaned in close to Olivia, cheek close to cheek and attempted to read the screen. She smiled internally, knowing El wouldn't be able to read the words. His vision had worsened perceptibly over the past few years, and as she watched him squint slightly before giving up, the stubborn man had refused to see someone about glasses or contacts. Ah, vanity. The downfall of many a man.

Elliot moved away slightly, but turned his head and suddenly their lips were almost touching within several inches of each other. They'd that close before, but not since a tension-filled locker room conversation had she felt a pull, hard and full, to lift her lips just those few inches and kiss him. To taste and take. A knot formed and tightened in her belly, low and heated.

A flicker of something out of the corner of her eye brought her back to just _where _they were, and she pulled back, pushing her chair slightly in the opposite direction her hormones were directing her to help alleviate the tension.

As if nothing had happened, Olivia described the situation Adams had been called to last night. Elliot knew the paramedic also and by the time she was finished describing the incident, the tension had dissipated and all was back to normal. He smiled, amused at the story, and pushed himself back from her space, releasing the back of her chair, but not before his fingers brushed her shoulder and for another second, that ball of heat tightened low and flashed through her body. Christ, she hadn't had that reaction in a while, a _long _while.

Olivia's attention was reacquired by Robert's words on the IM window.

RMAnders: _I want to kiss you. Now. Hard. I didn't get enough of those lips last night._

She felt Elliot moving behind her, around, to get back to his desk, but her attention was captured by another—equally hard—tight knot of heat that formed in her belly at Robert's words on the screen.

OABenson: _Robert! Stop talking about that! Who knows who's monitoring the messaging system._

It wasn't a question. She could picture him, sitting on his bunk, reading her words, laughing at her embarrassment and alarm.

RMAnders: _You didn't answer my question._

Olivia was confused for a second and then she remembered.

OABenson: _Yes. Tomorrow, 7pm. Barring any overtime for cases. _

RMAnders: _See you later, Benson. _

Olivia closed out the messaging window with a smile inside, only a small smirk gracing the outside. This thing with Robert was going well. Unlike many of her previous relationships. Unlike the impossibility of Elliot.

Little girls are taught at an early age, starting with those Disney princess movies, that the boy always gets the girl, or rather the girl always gets her dream boy, and they live _happily ever after. _But every little girl grows up and learns the harsh truth: that sometimes they can't always have what they want. Olivia had learned that jarring lesson in spades.

Loving a married man.

If not for the fact the man was already long dead, she'd kill Walt Disney for creating the _happily ever after _effect. Sometimes, damn it, happily ever after wasn't in the cards. And that could not be more apparent than in her case. Olivia couldn't remember exactly when her feelings changed for Elliot; she couldn't put a date, a timetable on the moment, but she remembered when she acknowledged those feelings to herself. In a shadow-lit warehouse, tension screaming in the air just as he screamed at her to pull the trigger, and the sheer act of her hand shaking should have told him just how much she cared, because God help her, she couldn't have pulled that trigger.

And for a brief moment in time, after she came back from Comp Crimes, and then again, from Oregon, she thought, her innermost heart, the smallest piece of her whispered quietly, _maybe, maybe we'll have a chance. When…_

He divorces his wife.

Even to herself she couldn't say the words. Even to herself. Because that would have meant things like _hope _and _possibility _and _potential. _And when he finally did go back to his wife, because it always happens that way, because you always go back to what's familiar, it still hurt like a bitch to have that hope dashed, but it wasn't as bad as if she had broached it with him, if she'd taken a chance and leaped into those unknown depths, those murky waters.

_Look before you leap. _

Thank God she hadn't leaped.

And so Olivia had started the dating game again, this time very sporadically, even more so than before, to attempt to get her mind off of what she could not have. And all those nowhere-dates had led her to this. To Robert. The lunch with Melinda and her friends was originally supposed to be a date with a guy whose name she couldn't even remember now. But he had canceled.

Surprise, surprise.

If not for that, she'd never have met Rob and she wouldn't be where she was now – tentatively, cautiously happy.

Three dates. Three dates and Olivia was having more fun and enjoying this fledgling romance more than most any other before it. It wasn't love, but it had the possibility to develop into it. For the first time in a long time, she could see herself with Rob down the road, three months from now, three years from now. And there hadn't been many relationships that she'd felt that way about. In fact, she could count on one hand the times she'd felt this way.

The future with Robert was uncertain, but it held _potential, _and _possibility, _and _hope. _


	3. Chapter 3

_Olivia_

Robert and Olivia had been dating now for over five months, coming up on the six-month mark, and he had been subtly prodding her for about a month, on and off now, to meet her friends from work. Melinda he already knew, but he'd never interacted with Elliot, Fin, or Munch on cases.

Why had she been so reticent about introducing him to her partner? Rob had been asking to meet her co-workers, the men she worked day in and day out with for weeks now. But she'd continually put it off.

Until now.

He was picking her up in a few minutes and they would be meeting the guys at the Hibernian for drinks and probably dinner. Well, she and Rob would be having dinner, whether it was with Elliot and the boys or after, that was unclear. Fin and Munch were meeting them there.

Elliot…. Elliot was still in the station house, across from her, supposedly writing last minute additions to his DD-5s, but she thought she knew the real reason he'd stuck around.

Elliot wanted to assess her boyfriend. Alone. Just the three of them.

Christ.

Like she was fifteen and introducing her first serious boyfriend to her father.

Olivia's musings were interrupted by Robert's arrival. _Here we go, _she thought.

Robert walked through the squad room, amidst the hustle and bustle of the everyday grind, and greeted his girlfriend properly, with a half hug and peck on the lips. After all, they were at her place of work and he didn't want to embarrass her. Much. He knew how the rumor mills worked. FDNY worked exactly like NYPD. If it happened during lunch, everyone knew it by the end of the day. And that principle worked during all hours.

"Hey Liv," he murmured, as he eased back. His gaze was brought directly to the man across from Liv's desk who rose at his greeting. Robert's hazel eyes, always more green than brown or gold, flashed immediately to the tall man in front of him.

Olivia had a sudden realization – both men were within inches of each other, Robert slightly shorter, but his body mass roughly equal to Elliot's.

"Rob, this is Elliot Stabler. El, Robert Andersen," Olivia introduced. Elliot got up from his desk and approached Robert.

"So, you're the new man in Liv's life. Nice to meet you, Andersen."

"Likewise. I've been wanting to meet you for a while now, but Olivia kept putting it off. She talks about you, Fin, and Munch so much I feel like I know you."

"Funny, she doesn't talk about you at all. She's been real quiet about your relationship," Elliot said slyly.

When the men clasped hands, she had the ungodly feeling that _yes, this felt _exactly _like she was fifteen and introducing her first serious boyfriend to her father. Nice to see I didn't really miss _that _experience, _Olivia mused grimly. _Current Boyfriend meet Man I've Been In Love With Since Day One. _Well not really, but close enough.

Elliot smiled and by the white-knuckled grips on both hands, Olivia deduced they were measuring each other up. Man-to-man. She sighed internally.

I am _not _a teenager looking for approval from her dad.

Even so, her internal protestations were belied by the loosening of the ball in her stomach at the slight lessening in the tightening of Elliot's eyes. No matter what, she really did want Elliot to…not approve exactly…but she wanted him to feel comfortable and be happy for her. She still loved him deeply, but she needed to move on and since El was a large part of her life, Olivia didn't want to exclude him from her relationship with Robert. She could feel it going _somewhere. _Where exactly, she wasn't sure, but the future held a promise she was looking forward to.

"Well, I'm getting hungry," Olivia said pointedly.

Just when she was going to interfere as it was an interminable time since they'd begun 'shaking' hands (even though only a few seconds had passed), and it looked like both men were trying to rip each other's hand off, they let go at the same time.

"Shall we?" Robert asked, as if nothing had occurred. He gestured to Olivia and she grabbed her coat and headed out, Robert at her side, Elliot just steps behind.

When they arrived at Hibernian, Fin and Munch were at a bar table, the place already packed with the after-work crowd looking for a drink to unwind and bitch about their debatably hard day. Fin caught Olivia's gaze and nodded them over, protectively guarding three empty chairs at their table from swipers nearby looking for extra seating.

Semi-low lighting was a feature that dominated the seventy-five year old building, as well as the original brick walls and exposed ductwork above the patrons' heads. The Hibernian wasn't the traditional cop hang out, but the guys had picked it because it was relatively close to the house (a couple of blocks walk) and—more importantly—had an astonishing number of beers on tap. Ninety-five, to be exact. And another five hundred in the back room, originating from all across the world. Exotic and well-known. From the darks to the lights. Malt beers to ales. The food was top notch as well, from classic American favorites to Irish contemporary cooking.

Elliot moved in first, sitting next to Fin at the round table, and Liv followed close behind, with Robert bringing up the rear. "Fin, Munch, this is Robert Andersen," Olivia introduced and the three men shook hands, and unlike Elliot, they didn't try to rip his hand off.

"Nice to finally meet Olivia's beau. She's been so tight-lipped about you that we were beginning to think you were a product of an overactive imagination," Munch snarked teasingly.

Olivia quirked her lips at him, but Robert took it in stride. "Well, here I am. Very much of this world. Olivia just wanted to keep me to herself for a while. She's very possessive that way," he joked, snaking an arm around her waist and as her red v-neck long-sleeved shirt rode up, a thumb stroked back and forth reassuringly.

Or at least, that was what she thought he intended. However, the feel of that appendage caused electricity to spark at the contact and she had to control the sharp breath that wanted to release at the feel.

Elliot's eagle and observant eyes dropped down to Robert's hand at the soft breath Olivia took. His focus was brought back to the conversation as Fin asked, "So, Robert, where are you from?"

"Noticed the utter lack of a New York accent, did you?" He laughed lightly. "I'm a transplant to the city by way of Florida. I grew up in the Tampa Bay area, but my parents are from Brooklyn. They got out of the city to raise my brothers, sisters, and I away from the concrete jungle and I came right back as soon as I could. I love New York. I still have family here – cousins, uncles and aunts. And two of my sisters and one brother have also returned. I've been here for eleven years now."

His monologue was cut short by the arrival of the waitress and Robert ordered a round of drinks for the table.

"We may be spread out with half of us still in Tampa, and the other half here, but we're very close," he added.

"So, Liv tells us you're an EMT. Why not go to med school, become a doctor?" Elliot questioned, not so subtly continuing with the interrogation.

Olivia shot daggers at her partner, but he was unfazed. Why did he have to make this so difficult? And he wondered why he met so few of her dates! She wanted her friends to get along with Robert. If things went well, they'd all be seeing him a lot more, but Elliot was acting like it was the Spanish Inquisition.

"For the same reason you're not a lieutenant or captain, I imagine. I wanted to actually make a difference, get my hands dirty, so to speak, and be in the thick of it. Doctors come in, see the patient, and leave. They're not involved nearly as much as people think they are. The people who are really there are the EMTs first and then the nurses at the hospital."

"I can respect that," Fin replied.

"Plus," Robert added, "I'm not one for staying in an 'office' all day. I prefer the field. Liv and I have that in common." He glanced at Olivia, warmth and affection in his eyes. Something melted inside and she was amazed that over five months in, he still had that effect on her.

"I'm getting a little old for field work myself," Munch began. "You may be looking for a new partner soon, Fin."

"Old man, I've been looking for a new partner for years," Fin retorted. "No one wants to take your ass," he said, bumping shoulders with his partner.

Chuckles rounded the table. "I still can't believe you and Elliot here have been partners for eleven years. Isn't that some sort of record?" Robert asked Olivia.

"It is in SVU. Most partners stay together for three or four years at the most. Our little group here, and Liv and I in particular, are the exception," Elliot answered, cutting off Olivia's reply. She glanced at him in askance.

"But from what I understand, usually partners switch up, move out, move up in the food chain. How is it that you haven't?" Robert asked Elliot. "I know what keeps Liv in SVU, but what about you?"

Elliot's reply was truncated for a few seconds as the waitress returned with everyone's drinks and he took a long sip of beer to give him a minute to word his reply. Elliot met Olivia's eyes over the table for a few seconds. "I've got too many pink folders in my jacket," he joked. "Plus, no one knows me like Liv and vice versa," he warned subtly. "She's my longest partnership. Who else would put up with me?" he asked softly, a gentle reminder of a conversation not so long ago on a cool winter morning.

Olivia had to break the connection between them before Robert saw something in her eyes that she'd long buried. Why was Elliot bringing that up? Why now? What was the point of reminding her of a conversation when they'd both been so vulnerable and hurting? "Excuse me – rest room," she murmured, before kissing Robert lightly on the lips, a not-so-subtle _cut it out_ to Elliot.

She walked to the back of the bar and took refuge in the ladies room. The room was blessedly free of other women and Olivia walked to the countertop, leaning in, looking at her reflection. Soft light touched and softened the lines in her face, giving her a youthful look, reminding her of that early morning a few years ago when she and Elliot had had a hard conversation on the front steps of a brownstone.

_You're the longest relationship that I've ever had with a man. Who else would put up with me? _

What was he doing? What was Elliot doing? What was he saying? Why was he bringing up a time in their past when he had been free, or as close to it as he'd ever been? And in front of Robert. And Munch and Fin. They probably remembered the fight in the house and the angry words Elliot had thrown at her in frustration. She didn't need the embarrassment or the reminder of her deficiency.

Olivia had to blink back tears. Damn it, he needed to stop. Right now. There was no going back and looking back on that period, even jokingly, was cruel.

_Elliot_

Elliot sat across from his partner, subtly glancing at the clock. Seven thirty and the new guy hadn't arrived yet. Munch and Fin were waiting for them at Hibernian, and he was still at work adding details to DD5s. Or at least, that was his cover.

From Liv's look earlier, she hadn't bough the flimsy excuse either. Damn, he'd have to come up with better ones. Robert Andersen was due to meet Olivia at the station house in a few minutes and they would walk over to the bar for drinks and good times.

In truth, he'd stuck behind so he could meet Andersen privately, get a beat on the guy, and see just who had caught his partner's attention. Elliot wanted to know if he was good enough for her. In the past, he'd been able to tell within a meeting or two. He acknowledged he was protective of his partner to the point of obsession, but he wanted to know that the person she was with was worth her time.

His musings were interrupted by the opening of the door to the room and the arrival of a tall, dark-haired, green-eyed muscled man. In a second Elliot registered and acknowledged that the two of them were very close in height and breadth.

He hugged and kissed Elliot's partner and approached. Courteously, Elliot backed away from and around his desk to greet the newcomer. "So, you're the new man in Liv's life. Nice to meet you, Andersen."

"Likewise. I've been wanting to meet you for a while now, but Olivia kept putting it off. She talks about you, Fin, and Munch so much I feel like I know you." Andersen smiled, shiny white teeth showed, and Elliot took an instant disliking to the guy.

"Funny, she doesn't talk about you at all. She's been real quiet about your relationship," Elliot stated, his reply completely not thought out.

Olivia shot him an incredulous look and daggers glared from her eyes.

Elliot offered his hand for a shake. One of the best tests of a man's honor came from a simple handshake. Elliot's grandfather had taught him that. A firm, unwavering shake told of a confident, secure man. A limp handshake denoted someone as insecure and indifferent. As Elliot had instantly, if illogically, disliked Andersen, he made a point to test him.

Intimidation by bone breakage.

But Andersen didn't cave. Instead, he gripped Elliot's hand just as hard and stared him in the eyes, daring him to look away. Those eyes said, "I'm not going anywhere." His gaze did not flicker, did not waver, and his hand did not tremble or sweat, indicating nervousness. A grudging respect developed for Andersen in those several seconds and although a large part of him still inherently disliked him, Elliot gave Andersen props for standing up to him and not backing down. It was a sign of a good man, and as much as he didn't like it, it was a good indication Olivia had found a good lover.

"Well, I'm getting hungry," Olivia said pointedly. Elliot knew his partner, and right about now, she was getting sick of their little internal battle.

A small ache developed in the vicinity of his heart. Olivia had finally found someone that, on first glance, appeared to be everything she could want. Everything she needed. Even so, he squeezed hard one last time in warning before letting go. _You hurt her, you die. _

"So, shall we go?" Andersen asked blithely, as if they both hadn't just attempted to rip each other's hands off.

Liv led, Andersen behind, and Elliot took the rear. Behind both their backs, Elliot vigorously shook his right hand, working the circulation back and erasing the pins and needles. He'd never admit it to anyone's face, not ever, but the guy had a _mean _handshake.

When they arrived at the bar, Fin and Munch greeted Andersen and Olivia, and ribbed him a bit. And then the interrogation began. Elliot was listening intently, wanting to absorb as much as possible. Although Olivia had given him the bare basics, she was notorious for not expounding on the details.

"….Olivia just wanted to keep me to herself for a while. She's very possessive that way," Andersen joked, snaking an arm around her waist and as her red v-neck long-sleeved shirt rode up, Elliot noticed his grabby hand and a thumb stroked back and forth across the exposed skin.

Elliot's eagle and observant eyes dropped down to Robert's hand at the soft breath Olivia took and saw the action that caused such an uncharacteristic response from his otherwise demure partner. His hand spasmed lightly and itched seeing that strip of skin peeking out. His focus was brought back to the conversation as Fin asked, "So, Robert, where are you from?"

Elliot tuned out the conversation as his attention was still on Andersen's thumb making passes, slow as can be, across that little strip of skin and the effect it was having on his partner: goosebumps, increased breath, ever so slightly, and a slight lean into the man in question. Elliot's unhappiness with the grabby hands was what prompted the snarky and pointed question.

"So, Liv tells us you're an EMT. Why not go to med school, become a doctor?" he questioned, not so subtly continuing with the interrogation.

Olivia shot daggers at her partner, but he was unfazed. What? It was a valid question, he answered with his eyes.

"For the same reason you're not a lieutenant or captain, I imagine. I wanted to actually make a difference, get my hands dirty, so to speak, and be in the thick of it. Doctors come in, see the patient, and leave. They're not involved nearly as much as people think they are. The people who are really there are the EMTs first and then the nurses at the hospital."

Fin and Munch bantered a bit and everyone laughed. "I still can't believe you and Elliot here have been partners for eleven years. Isn't that some sort of record?" Robert asked Olivia.

"It is in SVU. Most partners stay together for three or four years at the most. Our little group here, and Liv and I in particular, are the exception," Elliot answered, cutting off Olivia's reply. She glanced at him, but didn't say anything to the contrary.

"But from what I understand, usually partners switch up, move out, move up in the food chain. How is it that you haven't?" Robert asked Elliot. "I know what keeps Liv in SVU, but what about you?"

How many times in his career had he been asked that very question? Or some variation? Elliot remembered the interrogation with Rebecca Hendrix and shifted in discomfort. That woman had seen through his careful answers to the heart of the matter. Olivia kept him in SVU. Nothing else.

How could he explain their relationship to an outsider? To someone who wasn't in law enforcement, who didn't depend on someone else for their very life? It wasn't possible. Olivia was….everything. Similar to a marriage, but so much more intense and easy at the same time. In a word – complicated.

But he couldn't say that. It was impossible to put it into words and so he went with the semi-truthful, humorous pat answer.

"I've got too many pink folders in my jacket," he joked.

He had decided to go with the easy answer. He had decided to say what wasn't hard to put into words, but he thought it only fair to give the guy fair warning. If he stuck around, he'd have to deal with what being with Olivia meant.

Really meant.

"Plus, no one knows me like Liv and vice versa," he warned subtly. "She's my longest partnership. Who else would put up with me?" he added softly, meeting and holding his partner's gaze. She broke contact first, shifting her eyes away, and a flicker of something shone in her eyes - confusion, hurt. She excused herself and left to go to the bathroom and then Elliot, Fin and Munch were left with Robert.

Alone.

"You know, Olivia's my best friend," Elliot began.

"Girl's like a sister to me," Fin added.

"I can't claim she's like a daughter," Munch quipped, taking a sip of beer.

"So, when I say you're dead if you hurt a hair on her head…" Elliot continued.

"We know where to put the body where no one will find it," Fin finished.

"Why leave a body behind at all? No evidence, no crime… Just a friendly reminder to watch yourself with Liv," Munch stated.

Robert smiled slightly. "Thanks for the warning, gentlemen, but it's not needed. I'd never hurt her."

"Oh, I know you don't have a rap sheet. I checked that the day she came in the office after the first date," Elliot said, then waited a beat. "But what I'm saying is that Liv is…special. To all of us," Elliot had to force himself to add that last bit, to include Fin and Munch and not give Robert any hint that he was different than the rest of Liv's friends.

Even if he was.

"Just take care of her, don't fuck it up, and we'll all get along just fine," Elliot finished.

"You give this talk to all of Liv's boyfriends?" Robert queried.

The sound of Olivia's nickname, _Liv, _that intimate form of address, on this guy's lips made his hackles rise. Illogically, it pissed him off, that this man, newly entered into her life, had the right to address her so informally. Elliot had to remind himself that he shouldn't care about that. He couldn't.

"You're one of few we've met," Fin informed him.

Robert leaned back in his chair. "Something about that statement tells me I'm probably one of her longer relationships…"

_I'm/You're the longest relationship that you've/I've ever had with a man. _Elliot's harsh words spoken in anger and Liv's soft, vulnerable utterance overlaid and coalesced in his mind and he had to physically stop himself from flinching. He had been so hard on her in the house that day, unknowing or maybe uncaring of the way the words nailed themselves into her psyche. So that later, on that porch, they would come back to haunt him. Vulnerability soaked into her words, contrasting with his dark tone earlier, and he had only realized then, at hearing the vulnerability under the gently mocking humor, just how much his sharp words had hurt her.

That same vulnerability had lurked in her eyes a few moments ago just before she left, right after he abbreviated her words, words spoken not in anger this time, but in truth. There had been a question in her eyes.

Why.

He knew what she was asking with that one word. Why bring up the past that way? What was the purpose? And honestly, Elliot couldn't tell. He didn't know why he had said what he did, except that a small part of him felt…trapped. Backed into a corner. The _why _of that he did not understand. And the small knot in his stomach tightened. Ever so slightly.

"Yes, you are. Olivia's very careful about the men she introduces us to. She must think you can handle us," Elliot said. "Liv can take care of herself, but all the same…we're very protective of her. And if you tell her that, I'll kick your ass."

"You can try," Robert said with a smile, all teeth, before taking a swig of his beer. Just then, Olivia returned and Elliot's gaze zeroed in on hers, making sure she was okay. Her eyes were dark, but clear. No shadows lurked in the corners, not that he could see.

"So, did you boys play nice?" Olivia asked cautiously, eyes flitting to each of her co-workers as she returned to her seat, leaving Elliot for last.

Elliot hid a smirk behind his beer bottle, but he had a suspicion his partner wasn't fooled, if the narrowing of her eyes was any indication.

"For now," Munch replied. "We'll take him out back later tonight, you know, when you're not around."

Olivia threw a peanut at her co-worker.

"Don't worry, Liv, I can hold my own," Robert reassured, leaning back in his chair. "I think I've had plenty of practice ragging my sisters' boyfriends over the years. So, it's only fair I get my due. Payback's a bitch, right?" he asked rhetorically, a laugh in his voice.

The night continued much in the same vein, joking and stories back and forth, and Olivia and Andersen ordered dinner and later dessert, and Elliot had to sit through the two of them splitting the rich chocolate cake. As Kathy had said when they were kids, gag me with a spoon.

Around midnight, the party broke up and it was time to go home. Elliot bid Munch and Fin good night and turned to Olivia and Robert.

"Andersen, it was nice to finally meet you," Elliot said courteously. His mother _had _instilled decorum in him, no matter that he always purposely neglected it. "Hope this isn't the last time."

"Likewise," Andersen said with a half-smile and shook his hand. Although still firm, the handshake wasn't an attempt to rip his hand off.

Elliot turned to his partner. "Liv, I'll see you at work Monday. Hopefully we don't catch this weekend." He sent up a little prayer. This weekend he had plans with Dickie and Liz he didn't want to break, and he was sure Liv could use the down time to relax. They'd had a couple of harsh several weeks with case after case. They deserved a little break.

"G'nite, El," Liv said, squeezing his arm a second before letting go and leaving with Andersen.

The night's meeting had confirmed Elliot's initial assessment: that Andersen was a good guy, with no agenda he could decipher, and good for his partner. The fact that _he _disliked the guy on principle was his problem. Olivia deserved someone to love and take care of her. Elliot needed to get over his hang-ups. For so long he'd been the only person in her life and he recognized it would take time to get over his possessiveness at the encroachment upon what Elliot illogically considered his territory.

His lips quirked up in a smile. She would kick his _ass_ if she knew he thought of her as his.

It would just take time. If a small part of him said, _no_, he wouldn't get over it, then Elliot just disregarded what he believed to be his primitive instincts. Olivia had been his partner for over a decade, but that didn't make her _his. _


	4. Chapter 4

_Olivia_

Olivia closed the door behind Robert and released a sigh. Finally, the night was over and they could relax. The introductions were complete and Robert had met the guys, who could be….interesting.

"Your friends are…unique," Robert said cautiously.

Olivia laughed and after locking the door, dropped her keys on the nearby coffee table. "That's putting it lightly. They can be difficult to newcomers. I'm sorry if they hazed you too much."

"Hazing comes with the territory. I grew up with two brothers, one older. Believe me, I'm used to it. And even though they were girls, my sisters gave me a run for my money."

Olivia felt it only fair to ask, seeing how he'd met the guys, and they were as close to family as she'd ever had. "Speaking of, when am I going to meet them? The family that _is _in New York." He'd given her one reason or another not to meet his siblings over the months they'd been dating, much the same way she'd blown off his attempts to be introduced to her 'family.'

"Sarah should be getting back from England any day now and I think Michael's back from that trial in California. I'll give him a call tomorrow, see if he's in town."

"And Cadence?" Olivia asked, before removing her leather jacket, placing it on the back of the dining chair. She moved into the living room and began to remove her black boots and socks. Once the task was finished, she wiggled her feet in relief. Those boots were gorgeous and sexy, but fucking hell on her feet.

"Cady… no real excuse there," he said frankly, looking her straight in the eyes. Robert sat down next to Olivia. "It's amazing how we managed to avoid meeting each other's friends and family this long, but I imagine we have the same reasons – caution and weariness. I've gone a long time without really coming close to an intimacy I feel we are developing, Olivia. I've brought home girlfriends in the past and within a couple of months, we were calling it quits.

"I stopped bringing home the women I was dating because of the eventual letdown a long time ago. Getting my parents' hopes up, thinking that maybe this was 'the one,' the one to marry, the one to have children with," he continued. "After a while of the same situation repeating itself, you get tired of the same crap, and just stop really trying."

Olivia didn't say anything, but she completely agreed. It was tiring to put yourself out there day after day, night after night, looking for something that may or may not come your way, and in the meantime, you met so many Mr. Wrongs, it was hard to find the energy to find Mr. Right.

"And now?" she asked quietly, getting comfortable and pulling her feet up on the sofa.

A crooked smile. "And now…it feels different. With you, with us. I'll call Cady, Michael, and Sarah in the morning and schedule dinner. Assuming Sarah's back in town and you don't get called away, how about Thursday, eight o'clock?"

"That sounds perfect," she murmured.

"Elliot wasn't what I expected," Robert changed the subject slightly. Olivia's shoulders tensed in preparation.

"How so?" she asked nonchalantly.

"He's very protective for a married man," he observed. "Very possessive."

All of a sudden, Olivia wished she hadn't taken off her boots, feeling acutely open in her bare feet, vulnerable. "I'm his partner, Rob. We've been partners for eleven years now. He's seen me through a number of hard situations and decisions in my life, and I've done the same for him. He's just protective. I'm like a sister to him," Olivia finished, and had to internally wince at the weak lie.

A deprecating laugh huffed out of Robert. "He acts like no brother I've ever known. I have three sisters, Olivia, and I don't react to other men the way he acts when I'm around you."

"You just met him tonight. You don't know what he's normally like," she protested. She'd defend him to her last breath. He was her partner.

"Liv, he doesn't act like a brother, or overprotective father, or just a friend. He acts like a man interested in a woman, interested in you," Robert said firmly.

"He's not," she said sharply. "Elliot's married and that's the end of it. There's nothing there and there never will be." Robert voicing the hope she'd had as recently as four years ago dug into that newly healed scar and opened the wound.

"I didn't ask that," he voiced quietly. "But it's interesting that you are aware there is something there. You never mentioned if you and Stabler..."

"Nothing's ever happened between us, Robert. Elliot's married, he's always been married," she said wearily. "He always _will_ be married," she added, getting up, getting away, putting space between them.

Robert got up as well from his sitting position, not liking to be on unequal footing with Olivia. Moved closer to push his point. She couldn't get away from the conversation. It was too important to deflect and evade. "But at some point, you wanted something to happen…" he led, prodded.

Olivia met his fishing statement with silence. If she said something, he'd hear the lie. If she didn't, it was as good as admitting it. Either way, he'd know the truth.

An indrawn breath. "Do you still feel that way?" Breath was held awaiting her answer.

Olivia bit her lip and turned away from him. She was silent for a long time, searching herself, searching inside for the answer, truthful and potentially hurtful though it may be. She'd told herself over the last few years that she'd given up, but had she _really_? Had she finally let go of an impossible dream and accepted that it would never happen? Had she finally acknowledged that fact and _truly _begun to search for someone else whom she could love, and more importantly, love her in return without reservation?

"Liv?" Robert asked, tension threading through his voice.

She turned back to him and took a breath. "I won't lie, Robert. There was a time when something could have happened…something I would have wanted to happen. But that time's long passed. What do you want me to say? Elliot's my partner, that's all. That's all he will ever be." An ache started in her throat at her own admission, and it was hard to swallow.

She paused for a moment, and Robert continued to stare at her, knowing she had more to say. "A part of me will always…love him, Robert. That will never change." The ache grew and she had to fight to push words through. "But he loves his wife and _that _too will never change. I can't say I'll ever stop loving him, because I won't, but I can move on. I can move on and try to find someone else to love, someone who'll love me and put me first, because I'll try my damnedest to do the same. I deserve that, Robert. I care about you, a lot, and I haven't been able to say that about many men in my life, but if you can't deal with my answer to your question, then it's better that we end this now. "

Her voice softened and trailed off, dreading and anticipating his reply, fear and hope tugging and pulling at her, opposing forces vying for supremacy.

_Robert_

He'd known since meeting her that Olivia and her partner were close, the best of friends, but he'd had no idea prior to tonight that Elliot had feelings for Olivia, or that she reciprocated them. Olivia had obviously put a firm name to those emotions, but Elliot had not, by his reckoning. Elliot remained oblivious to the depth of his feelings and that was fine with Robert. He cared about Olivia, a lot more than what was normal for him after six months of dating. It had started slow, and grown progressively over the last six months, so slowly he hadn't realized the extent of his feelings until now, until what he was feeling was being threatened.

_You never know what you have until it's taken away. _

That was for damned sure, and Robert didn't want to lose this woman. He'd only found her.

But how could he compete with an ideal Olivia had obviously fallen in love with? Elliot was her partner, with her practically 24/7, and married, to boot. He was a dedicated husband and father and she admired and respected that. That much was apparent in the fact that, by her own admission, nothing had ever happened between them.

Maybe if something had happened between them, then she, and consequently, _they _would not be in this situation. So often, a crush or believed love fizzled out when the parties became intimate and realized the fruit wasn't sweeter, the grass greener. But that was not the case and now Robert was faced with the decision to either continue a relationship knowing Olivia had strong, powerful feelings for another or breaking off something that held the promise to be incredibly good. He could feel that this thing with Olivia had the potential to be life-changing, that this woman could be _the one_, as his youngest sister, all of twenty-six years old, fawned about dreamily during their annual family reunion.

But if he did give this a 'go,' and they did fall in love, and—hypothetically—get married, could he live with the knowledge that his wife was in love with another man?

A small voice inside his head chastised him for his thinking considering his current situation. Can the past be the past when you haven't let go? Had _he _finally let go? An old pain bloomed in his chest. Thoughts of Emily came to the forefront of his mind. He'd never told Olivia about Em. It was a lie of omission that could make or break them. And considering the secret she'd divulged to him, it was only fair he reveal the same to her. And then he'd answer her question, assuming her answer was the same after…

"When we first met, we talked about why we never found _the one, _that person. We both agreed it was just because of not enough time, schedules, personalities… All the bullshit that just means we didn't look hard enough. But I did, Olivia. I met her when I was twenty-one, a junior year at USF. I was in an 8am Statistics class when I met Emily Houseman. She was an Education major, knew exactly what she wanted to do with the rest of her life while I didn't have a damn clue. We fell in love fast. And hard," he started.

"Robert…" Olivia started, and her eyes were soft and confused, a note of _why are we talking about this?_ in her voice.

"Let me tell you this and then I'll answer your question, Olivia. You have to know and I need to tell you," he said quietly, taking her hand and squeezing it gently before dropping it. He couldn't be in physical contact with her and still tell his story. "We dated seriously for the next four years, got through our bachelor's and master's degrees. After college, we took a year to travel, and when we got back, I proposed."

Robert smiled a bit in remembrance. He'd been such an idiot popping the question the way he had, no finesse, no plan, just impulse. Jesus, he hadn't even had a ring. They'd just gotten back from their last leg, landed at Miami International, and gotten a hotel room to rest the night before driving back to Tampa the next morning….

_They'd been unpacking, pulling night clothes from their suitcases, and the soft light of the lamp by the bed reflected and bounced off her softly curling red hair. "Ah, God! I'm so tired!" Emily exclaimed, and after pulling her pajamas out, sprawled over the bed, face pressed sideways to the pillow with her arms above her head. _

_Robert found himself absolutely transfixed. Her cobalt blue eyes twinkled at him from behind the curve of her arm, mischief and tease lingering in their depths. Five years with this woman hadn't cooled his passion one bit, nor had their love calmed into flat waters. Instead, he was right in the middle of the storm. He lost himself in her eyes every time they gazed at each other. It was all right though. She was right there with him, lost in the wild waters, together. _

"_What?" she asked softly. "Looking to get lucky?" she teased. "I don't know if I'm up for that kind of action right now. Maybe tomorrow, once I've gotten more than four hours of sleep." _

"_Marry me," he blurted out. Those two words just appeared on his lips. He'd had no idea he was thinking about it, much less thinking about asking her. Even so, his heart hammered in his chest, every once in a while skipping beats, anxiously waiting for her reply. _

_Emily was silent for a moment, searching his eyes, searching to see if the question/request was impulse only, or if he really meant it. Finally, she had her answer. "Yes," she said softly, her voice aching with love, with hope, with potential for the future. "So, where's my ring?" she asked playfully, pulling herself up off the bed and into his arms for a crushing hug and passionate kiss. _

"_We'll buy that first thing tomorrow. Or not. Whenever. We have the rest of our lives together, Em. And I can't wait to spend it with you," Robert said reverently, crushing her body to his even harder, so happy she'd said yes, so relieved, and giddy. They really did have the rest of their lives together. _

Robert's voice quieted. "We spent a year planning the wedding, and just two nights before, Em was killed by a drunk driver on her way back from her bachelorette party. On our wedding day, I buried my wife." Although they hadn't gotten married, said their vows, she was his wife in his heart. She lived there, young and vibrant, and forever his. He'd been faithful to her in spirit, if not in body. He'd loved her with every breath in his body, still did.

Robert heard Olivia's soft exhalation and her lips parted in surprise. "Why are you telling me this now?" she asked softly.

Robert's lips quirked up. "You're hung up on something that never happened with a man that can never love you the way you deserve. I'm still in love with a woman I can never be with again. I think we're even. Emily's the woman I've been in love with since I was twenty-one, Olivia. I haven't been able to let her go. She's the reason I've never gotten married. I've got strong feelings for you, Liv, strong enough that I'm willing to _try_ to let Emily go, to move on. I just can't promise I _will_. But you've got to meet me half way here if we're to make this thing work. We both have our ghosts that need to be exorcised."

Olivia nodded hesitantly. How could she definitively say she'd get over Elliot? But Robert wasn't asking for a definite answer. "I can do that. I can try to let go of Elliot and you can start the same for Emily, with no promises. I can't promise that it'll work, Robert, but I'm willing to try."

He smiled softly, leaned in, cupped her face, and kissed her softly on the lips. "That's all I want. For the two of us to try to let go of our pasts and embrace the future. I'm so tired, Liv, of living in the past, of wishing and thinking about what could have been. I've done that so long that I've completely missed everything that could happen _now." _

Olivia sighed and hugged Robert to her. He cradled her in his arms and the two of them slowly rocked, each taking comfort from the other. He suspected she knew exactly why he had not told her about Emily in the first place or he'd have heard an earful earlier: the same reason she'd not told him about Elliot. Their pasts were their pasts and affected the present and the future, but since they'd both revealed their secrets, maybe they could move on now to an even better place within their relationship, find something special.

Robert wasn't in love with Olivia, but he felt like he could be, the first time in a very long time since the loss of his fiancé. He cared about this woman deeply, and although he had his own demons to fight, he'd be damned if this thing with Elliot interfered.

The man had made his own damned bed, let him lie in it.


End file.
